Woo!

No wait…

Booooo!

They can’t all be Lee Carvallo’s Putting Challenge.

Roblox would never pass a child review. There’s literal gambling on that shit.

Fell out of high-chair at age 2, faceplanted and bit through tongue with the only 2 teeth I had at the time. Now have a second uvula on the bottom of my tongue.

Fell off of rocking chair at age 5, smacked forehead on concrete basement floor and now have permanent skull deformation on left side of forehead.

Wacked in the back of head with mop handle by brother pretending to be Jon BonJovi at age 5, 5 stitches and small divot in the skull back there.

Hit on head by rock thrown by neighbor kid age 6, no significant damage.

Fell off bike akira-sliding into driveway at age 7, pizza-faced for a month.

Fell off footpath bridge headfirst on to rocks age 9, 6 stitches administered at a vet’s office because christian day schools are wild as fuck.

Head accidentally slammed in car door age 14.

Suckerpunched in a mugging at 17.

Hit in head by rock that fell off a passing dumptruck age 20, 8 stiches and was extremely lucky that I caught it on the second bounce.

There’s probably more that I’m forgetting (because you know, 10 head injuries.)

You might still see it in the desert.

Yes, my job is so easy a monkey could do it.

Why do you think I’m doing it?

Sanitation.

Because I’m already using an Android phone.

Your authority is not recognized here in BRUTALVANIA!!!.

I go where I please.

BRUTALVANIA!!!

Nope.

Lost.

Any “gap” between generations falls into the Lost category.

Eh… better than maggots.

Landsknecht fashion.

Back to Vine.

Paul Rudd.

The last personality test I took had me in black bile the Earth Nation.

It can be very calming.

He actually played some of the songs from the stage version for my class. Most of them were just dialog set to music.

Can’t even get a pizza-meatball-crab sub or an all syrup Dr. Pepper either.